EDITORIAL

Celebrating ourselves

In a small town west of Cleveland on a rainy October day, two women became partners for life.

They did this in front of their parents, friends and co-workers. There were flowers everywhere, music and, of course, cake. The women were dressed in clothes they would wear for any special occasion; no tuxes or wedding dresses, no walk down the aisle, no wedding bouquet; just love, affection and a deep sense of commitment.

These women created what most lesbians and gay men don't believe can be theirs.

All over Cleveland, lesbians and gay men are dying. Often there are two services, one for family and one for friends. Sometimes not even the second service includes a mention of the person's sexual identity, even if the service is for people who knew her or him as a lesbian or gay man.

Once in a while (but with more frequency), two lesbians privately celebrate the birth of their child. Sometimes this involves the gay man who fathered the child and sometimes it does not.

What do all these scenarios have in common? When they take place for heterosexuals, these events include a ceremony, a ritual, if you like. Unfortunately, in the lesbian and gay community, these events often take place without the benefit of a ceremony or the support of the community.

Our community is losing out by not creating our own rituals. No, it is

= GUEST

not mocking the straight community, it isn't even imitation. Ceremonies and rituals have been part of the human experience since the beginning of time. As lesbians and gay men, we need these ritual to help us celebrate, mourn and prosper as a community.

We cannot wait for society to award us with the civil rights we deserve. We cannot wait until the IRS and the government "allow" us to be married. We must marry ourselves, we must bury ourselves, we must celebrate the birth of our children. And we must support each other in these things.

When "Roots" was shown on television, we watched as slaves performed their version of matrimony. These marriages were about as valid as the union ceremony described above. Why marry when your mate could be sold away from you at any time? Because you loved that person, because you wanted the rest of your community to know that you loved your partner. You wanted everyone to share in your commitment.

Likewise all the lesbians and gay men who have risked criticism and mockery not only from the straight community, but from the lesbian and gay community as well and who have made their own ceremonies want to share their love and joy. They want it to be blessed and cherished by their friends and family. It is not the same just to live with someone.

If we live as lesbians and gay men, why we shouldn't we be buried as

EDITORIAL

such? Funerals usually are a reflection of someone's life; special passages pertinent to the person are read, music which meant something to that person is played. In fact, the whole ceremony is based on that person's lifestyle as a Catholic, a Jew, a Protestant or an atheist. Lavendar caskets with lambdas should be the norm for people who spent their lives surrounded by such symbols; the symbols mean something to us when we are living, that symbolism should continue through our death.

gay people's

HRONIC

Vol 4, Issue 5

Publishers:

KWIR Publications

Co-Owners: Robert Downing Martha Pontoni

Editor-in-Chief:

Founder:

Martha J. Pontoni

Charles Callender, 1928-1986.

Carlie Steen

Baptism and bris (the Jewish circumcision ceremony), while always religious events, also hold some social content in that they introduce the child to family and friends, thus introducing Copy Editor: the child to society. Our children need to be honored in that way. As a community, we need to honor them. Whether these children will be lesbian, gay or straight, they are our children and will most likely be raised in our society.

These ceremonies needn't be elaborate. They don't have to be like their straight counterparts. They don't need someone to officiate and there is no right way to do them. That is precisely the point. If we create these ceremonies, we can do what we want.

Celebration ceremonies include birthdays, anniversaries and any gettogether that celebrates an occasion, triumph or loss. If we don't celebrate ourselves, who will? ▼

Community must respond

by Doreen Fadiga

I just finished reading an unsettling book. The title is "Naming the Violence: Speaking Out About Lesbian Battering," (Seal Press, 1986). It is an anthology containing stories of violence in lesbian relationships and essays on the issue by lesbian activists. The book was prompted by a September 1983 meeting of the Lesbian Task Force of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, which was the first gathering outside of local communities on lesbian battering. The experience of that meeting was one of denial, confusion and reluctance to confront the issue, but there also was a resolve to further explore it.

In the preface of the book, Barbara Hart, an organizer and lawyer who has been involved in the lesbian community since coming out more than 20 years ago, tells of her shock on first realizing that lesbians, like the rest of society, can be emotionally, sexually and physically destructive in intimatel relationships.

Her attempts, though, to mobilize resources in the lesbian community to provide services to our

=LETTERS

Taskforce

Dale Melsness finally moves beyond vulgar innuendo to attack the Health Issues Taskforce by name in the October issue. Since the letter is full of misinformation, I would like to clarify issues by offering my personal understanding of events.

I don't know what "out-of-town donor" he means, but it isn't really important. Since the Taskforce acted as the original sponsoring organization, in that it provided the nonprofit status that enabled the Names Project/Cleveland to solicit donations, all donations had to be made out to the Continued on Page 13.

battered sisters met with resistance or silence. What she knew to be an issue was treated as a non-issue in lesbian circles.

This guest editorial is not a book review, but an attempt to generate response from our own community about battering in lesbian relationships.

Some believe the myth that violence between lesbians is mutual battering, but the fact is that if a woman makes her choices and decisions out of fear of her partner's reaction, she is being abused. If a woman is emotionally tortured by her partner's verbal attacks, she is being abused. And if a woman feels used sexually and is humiliated by her partner, she is being abused. The fact that her partner also is woman in no way mitigates the damage done to the body, mind and spirit of the abused.

Now, it also is a fact that there are lesbians in Cleveland who live in quiet desperation because our lesbian community offers no support system to relieve the fear these women are experiencing in their relationships. When a lesbian has a bruised body or a broken spirit because of an abusive relationship, where does she go for

Dismal

men

I guess I don't understand. There are approximately 200,000 gay and lesbians in the greater Cleveland area. Where are they? What do we have to do to get them motivated to support their own agencies!? I'm talking about the embarrassingly dismal support of the Lynn Lavner Concert on Sept. 24, at the Allen Memorial Library at Case.

This concert was to raise a much needed $2,500 for the Lesbian and Gay Community Center of Greater Cleveland.

Lynn Lavner has had rave Continued on Page 13. 2

help in our city?

Some of us know friends who are abused by other of our friends. It gets confusing. How do we deal with this? Do we, as a community, stick our collective head in the sand, refusing to see a problem because we won't know what to do if it's there? Or do we see a responsibility to recognize battering, hold batterers accountable and make a safe space for the abused? Given the interlocking nature of our community, how do we make any place safe?

I work in a battered women's shelter. Abused lesbians don't use it much. They use our outreach services even less. It is my perception that battered lesbians are afraid to access resources in the homophobic world, but neither can they find resources in the family community to which they belong. They are left unsupported and alone. Am I wrong?

Perhaps there are positive responses to these questions that I haven't heard. If so, I'd like to know about them. If not, then we, as a caring lesbian community, need to find constructive responses.

It is my belief that we need to organize around this issue to utilize existing resources and work toward

Bores

It is my understanding that you have chosen Jerry Bores as the individual to recognize in your current edition. I congratulate you on your choice. I fault you on so limited a scope of recognition.

Having known and worked with Jerry for most of the eighties I am very aware that without his work and dedication very little of what we know as a gay community or its activities would currently exist. Up until the mideighties Jerry was involved in almost every organized group within the male gay community as well many within the

Continued on Page 13.

Reporters & Writers:

Martha Pontoni, Tom P., Dora Forbes, Robert Downing, John Robinson, Joan Valentine, L. Kolke, Don S., Tracy Miller, Michele Smeller.

Columnists:

John Robinson, Janice T., Auntie Ray, Doug Moore, Ed Santa Vicca, Patty M. Fern R. Levy M.S.

Production Staff:

Janice T., Raymond Burton, Tom P., Ray Kempski, Kathy S.

Artist:

Christine H., Pat Hughes

Assistant to the Editor:

Dan Postotnik, Kathy S.

Distribution Chief:

Robert Downing.

Publication of the name, picture or other representation of an individual, organization or place of business in the GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE is not indicative of his/her sexual orientation or character.

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offering new supportive services to our sisters who live under the oppressive, abusive control of another.

If you have any views on this issue, please contact me. If you are an abused lesbian thinking no one cares, you're wrong. Please contact me or another sister whom you trust. ▼

Doreen Faidiga Templum House

Box 5466

Cleveland, Ohio 44101

Phone: 631-2275

More Dancin'

If your editorial about "Dancin' in the Streets" was designed to catch attention and stimulate discussion, it certainly succeeded ...for all the wrong reasons. It would be difficult to find more classic examples of name-calling, baiting, and negative, rather than "constructive", criticism in print in Cleveland in recent memory. It is unfortunate that the very valid points brought up in the editorial are preceded by attacks more reasonably expected from enemies.

While the wording very carefully indicts the "event" that makes Continued on Page 13.